Sweetheart? What About Bigger Boobs?

When your boyfriend looks hot and sexy, takes good care of himself but feels a little insecure about the size of his penis, you will never ask him to enlarge it. After some serious conversations, explaining to you it will spice up your sex life, nothing seems more natural than taking your sweet love to the nearest sex-shop.

You let the guy inside inform him about possible painful ways to enlarge a penis, while telling the same guy you're absolutely satisfied with your boyfriend and 'his size'. "It's all inside your head sir. If the lady says she's very pleased, I wouldn't go through all that trouble, having your penis enlarged for maybe 2 centimeters. Might the two of you be interested in something to play with on the side?" His curiosity has been tickled, he leaves the shop after a good ego-boost, while I hold on to a plastic bag with 'something on the side'.

Sometimes I come walking out the bathroom, holding my boobs in one hand each, standing in front of my lovely boyfriend, lifting them up to where they once were and ask: "Sweetheart? What about some lifting here before they fall down to my knees?" "No way babe! I'll just lift them for you, flapping them to your back so I can kiss you at the front." We burst out laughing, I tell him he's crazy and my day starts like any normal day. We're having fun and we're taking life as
serious as possible.

Are we Serious?

After reading one tip after another, what never to say to a woman, I decided to stir things up a bit and give men the back-up they deserve. I'm wondering already about comments to this Hub, written from a woman's point of view, to give the guys some credit in a world full of overly sensitive women. When reading Hubs on advice for men, tips on dating and how to have that perfect relationship, I can't help thinking:

"Are we serious? Do we women want to give men the impression, we're these sensitive souls, we explode whenever we 'have the right to' and when we act as immature as they do....IT'S DIFFERENT?"

Your ass?

I'm Latina and I have my curves. Some things I can wear and some things I can't. Do I want my boyfriend to tell me how hot I look, when in fact I tried on a dress, looking like a sausage? No! Just make a face, shake your head and tell me the dress looks awful on me. We don't want people staring later, because my boyfriend tried to be nice. I'll just pick something else and thank my guy for being honest.

Hot looking friends?

I have hot looking friends. Period. Do I mind him telling me they are? Of course not! In fact, if I were a guy I would date them if I had the chance. Since my boyfriend chose to be with me, I feel good about myself and that's that. Do I pay attention to possible flirting and too much curiosity from either side? Yes, because I don't like that. If so, I talk about it, expect some honest answers and then take action. Or he goes out the door, for having more feelings for her than for me, or I confront my hot looking girlfriend, to step back and find herself another victim:-)

Your weight, your looks and your period?

My body is ten years older than the muscled body of my boyfriend. For 38, I still look great though. Just like him, I don't have a six pack and just like him, I can be sensitive. Telling me, I look tired, I seem grumpy or I seem to have gained some weight, all seems perfectly normal to me. I'll just say, I do feel tired, I woke up grumpy and I'm on my period. Then I ask him, to give me some space, be grumpy on my own and step on that scale. Just 3 kilo's to lose, no yelling and shouting and my looks will be fine in a few days.

Negative comments in general?

You don't like my friend? That's OK. People have different taste and maybe he has a point because you can't see what he sees from the beginning. You don't like what I wear to a party? Tell me why. Maybe you have a point and I'll change. Or I just let you have your opinion and keep wearing what I like. You don't like the extra hair, the smell of my breath, my feet or my new body lotion? Thanks for sharing. All of the above, I wouldn't like with him as well so I will act right away for still putting an effort in our relationship. In fact, I told him a few months ago: "Or you shave of your pubic hair, or I do." I cut of a complete wig, telling me quite spontaneously: "Now it really looks much bigger!" See, it's just a matter of tactics:-)

How many women did he sleep with?

Are you curious about his life before you? I am. Do I want to hear a number? I find it interesting to know. If not? Don't ask. Do we talk about our sexual adventures, the funniest, the weirdest and the best? Yes we do. Did he ask me about a number? Yes he did. Was he surprised? Yes he was but judging me over it, never happened. I had fun before we met and in terms of numbers, I was quite innocent compared to him. In fact, I'd rather be with an experienced lover instead of with that next door virgin, hoping the guy will ever get the picture.

The whole point of being with someone, is getting to know that person as good as possible. What he did before you, does not affect the love he feels for you. Being able to talk about everything, makes your boyfriend a real friend and a lover. Hiding the life you lived before him, to me is losing a whole lot of energy in pretending you were somebody else. I don't do well on hiding things in general, let alone pretend I was a monk.

Before approaching men with a different attitude, something in life normally has to change. Instead of blaming them for being a jerk, not paying enough attention to your period or pissing you off by simply telling you the truth, somebody has to confront you with your own behavior.

In my case, that person wore a suit, had a moustache and seemed overly convinced of himself, to my humble opinion. During four years I visited his office, talked about three major issues in life and said good bye to him numerous times, after having my ego crushed.

One issue was being Bipolar, the other was relationships with men and the third was the image I had of myself. Three wonderful ingredients for guaranteed failure and enough stories to tell my therapist, to get things organized inside my mixed up head. These are some of the questions he asked, leaving me clueless in the beginning but getting me wiser than ever in the end:

• "Now Escobana...who would you like to grow old with? With your son or with your boyfriend?"
• "If you want a dog to command and learn tricks that seems fine by me, but your boyfriend is going to get very sick of you at some point. Don't you agree?"
• "I see you like taking care of him but to smother him with your total devotion and control his moves every step of the way, will make him take a distance or leave you anyway."
• "If you're jealous, why not work on it, instead of fighting over some looks and comments, your boyfriend makes. You're not covering your eyes when a hot guy passes by right?"

As you might understand, my therapist was a cool guy and when he retired I thanked him from the bottom of my heart, for bringing things into perspective and helping me out in rebuilding myself. A good therapist is confident enough to handle strong, stubborn and manipulative women like me, to confront them with their actions, to explain about the consequences and to trust in the power they have, to change into a mature human being, accepting their negative characteristics as well as their numerous talents.

To end my Hub, I have to disagree with some women here on Hub pages, giving advice to men, trying to turn them into these super attentive, sweet, adorable, lying, dull to the bone partners.

What happened with honesty, self reflection, self mockery and accepting your good and bad characteristics, instead of trying to mold your guy into a person he's not, without room for spontaneity or plain simple truth?

Did I once agree with these female suggestions? Yes I did. I was jealous, insecure, possessive and totally unaware of my flaws. Not that I'm saying all women are jealous or insecure, but a little bit of self knowledge wouldn't mind before judging a guy. And next to a lot of talents, I'm still jealous and sometimes insecure and possessive. Latina women are jealous. Women having their period are sensitive. Men and women can say hurtful things. Relationships are a lot of work. I'm not an easy person.

Just some facts of life. Nothing to get upset over. Enough to keep you busy with. And how funny can it be, you sitting on the couch, typing your Hub when your boyfriend comes in. His boxer short pulled up to his armpits, walking on his toes, pulling a sleepy face and asking you as serious as possible:"Who am I imitating now?"

Yes, we are a little crazy but I love a good sense of humor and self mockery is what got me through life. Try it yourself and let me know what your partner said when you made him laugh, while imitating his hilarious self.